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HOW CAN I F I ND
S U P POR T I N OT HE R S ?
S
l Support from others is, as pointed out abo-
ve, important for many people during the
recovery phase. However, this support is of-
ten not what we expected, and we find it difficult
to express our needs, even to those who are clo-
sest to us. Below you will find some guidelines about
how you can lean on others, and communicate your
needs to them:
•
When people close to you offer their support,
don’t analyze whether you can ask them this or
that. Just tell them naturally what you need. Just
think that if you have people around you, su-
pporting you, it’s just because they look forward
to being able to help you, and it will make them
happy to do so. You can tell them what specific
duties you need help with, and they will actually
feel thankful for that.
•
When asking for help to those supporting you, we
encourage you to leave them the choice of saying
no, or to set limits on what they are willing to do.
If necessary, tell them that you fully understand if
they choose not to fulfill your request, as this will
strengthen the support relationship between you
both. Making people do things is definitely not a
wise idea.
•
Whenever you feel ready, talk about what happe-
ned and tell others how you feel. This can be of
great help to you. Don’t be scared if, at the begin-
ning, you can’t get yourself to do so, or if doing it
makes you feel bad. It’s a normal reaction. Don’t
give up, try again in the following days or weeks.
You can also decide to keep that to yourself. But
even if that's the case, be open to the possibility
of doing so later.
•
If you feel unable to speak, then try expressing
what you feel regarding the attack in writing. You
can hand these texts to trusted people and, if you
feel like you can’t do that either, keep your mind
open to doing so later on.
•
In the first days following the attack, it is essen-
tial to keep in touch with someone with whom
you can share your fears, concerns, and feelings.
Someone with whom you can talk about yourself.
•
Don’t ask those supporting you to feel what you
feel, or to suffer the way you are suffering, and
least of all, to do what you are doing to get by.
Each person is different, and no one, absolutely
no one, feels or deals with pain in the same way.
Not even those who have suffered serious losses,
just as you have.
•
Sometimes it helps to know and lean on people
who have gone through similar experiences, in-
cluding other victims, but even in these cases,
bear in mind that no one is equipped to fully un-