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Help them understand loss: children can have a
hard time understanding what happens when so-
meone dies. Talk about death naturally, explaining
that death is part of life, even if sometimes life is
shortened and death appears prematurely, as is
the case in attacks or accidents.
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Use relatable examples: a child who lost his belo-
ved pet, a distant relative, a friend of the family.
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You should not use phrases that may confuse
children, such as “Dad is sleeping”, "he is gone for
good", “he left us”, which can worsen the situation
by making the child feel abandoned, betrayed or
unloved.
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Help them to express their feelings, concerns and
fears. We need to let them know that having those
feelings is normal, and that not feeling anything or
not being able to cry is too. They are all normal
reactions and they should not feel scared by them.
Help them put simple names to their complex fe-
elings.
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You may ask them if there is anything that they
would have liked to say to the deceased person,
words that were left unsaid, or if they want to ask
for forgiveness for something, or thank them for
something. In this case, you may suggest the child
to write a letter to the deceased, as naturally as
possible. Depending on the age and the beliefs of
the child and the family, he may keep it, take it to
the cemetery, or leave it by the window so that a
star finds it and reads it.
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It is highly advisable to write or keep photos of the
deceased person: to build their life, including their
death.
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It is appropriate to encourage, within the family
setting, conversations about death and that of be-
loved people, as well as about the very concept of
death.
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In case of many children being affected, each of
them should be cared for on an individual basis
and never as a group, so that we can adapt to the
needs of each one, their questions, fears, beliefs,
and their level of understanding in the explana-
tions.
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You must try to restore the child's day-to-day life as
soon as possible, including their eating and sleep
habits, going back to school and their regular ac-
tivities and, where possible, not removing them
of their home, their neighborhood, and avoiding
unnecessary separations from other people close
to the family, as well as spending time with their
friends.
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It is important to help them focus on the positive
things that happen around them: the support of
their friends, their strength to react, their ability to
enjoy games, outings, meals, etc., everything that
you can find with their help.
As grieving is normally a long process, this type of ac-
tions and special attention must happen over time.
It is not enough to devote one day to explaining the
situation to children. Maybe a question won't come
up at the beginning, but may appear later, and their