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I N T E R A C T I N G
W I T H C H I L D R E N
L
Children are a special category of victims.
Some are directly affected as they suffer the
death of relatives, classmates, or neighbors,
and this entails breakdowns that are very difficult
for them to assimilate. Following a terrorist attack,
many children are faced with some extremely harsh
and incomprehensible situations and images. Here
are some recommendations for parents and families
to help them cope with this situation.
What to tell a child
•
Never lie. You cannot tell them that some trains
collided or that their father went on a trip and he
won’t be back for a long time. Bear in mind that
children are not stupid or deaf, and will probably
find out the truth through other people, quite likely
in a more harsh and painful way. If this happens,
they will feel deceived. If there is bad news to give
to any child, isn’t it preferable that they come from
people that the child loves and trusts?
•
Tell them only what they will understand. We must
consider the children’s age and level of unders-
tanding to explain what happened. It would be as
absurd to give excessive explanations to a three-
year-old, as to avoid giving them to an 11-year-old.
•
Do not give more information than the one the
child needs and can assimilate. In general, children
themselves set the limits, either asking more detai-
ls or changing the subject.
•
Always answer their questions about what happe-
ned. When it comes to the death of someone close,
they might not dare to ask at first. In such case, we
must tell them even if they don’t ask.
•
Take this opportunity to convey certain values such
as solidarity: teaching them to value the solidari-
ty gestures of people, for instance. Many children
will want to “collaborate” in some way, with smaller
flowers or drawings. Older children may attend de-
monstrations.
•
Clearly explain to younger children the cruel natu-
re of what happened. This is not to scare them, but
it is important for them to know where you stand
on this.
•
Avoid exposing them to images of the victims and
injured that appear in the media, especially on te-
levision. Whenever this is not an option, take this
time to teach them about the respect that they de-
serve.
How can I tell them that they have lost a signi-
ficant person in their lives?
•
Find an appropriate, comfortable place, where
there will be no interruptions, and where you can
talk as long as needed.
•
Speak naturally, without solemnity, or adding
drama to the event.
•
Convey the news slowly, exploring what the child
already knows and what he/she thinks or fears.
When giving more serious news, you may split the
information to give them time to assimilate the in-
formation gradually. First, you explain the attack,